DANGEROUS CURVES: why you should never ask somebody to inject cement into your posterior

I’ve recently learned that folks who lack appropriate training should never try to castrate a lamb using their teeth as makeshift scalpels and tongs.  I’ve also learned that amateurs should never try to quickly consume a meal that significantly exceeds the weight of a small child.  These activities may prove appealing and are surely growing in popularity, but they also tend to require significant expertise and pose an inherent danger to the mainstream citizenry.  They should therefore be strictly reserved for only the most skilled and adept professionals.

I’m pretty sure that we can add yet another practice to this growing list of hazards.  Simply put, we should never pay a stranger to inject us with substances commonly used to pave roads, patch tires and repair broken ceramic mugs.

Last month, the Miami Gardens Police Department arrested Oneal Ron Morris, a thirty-year old transgendered fugitive, and charged her with performing illegal cosmetic surgeryShe is accused of using a toxic mixture of cement, superglue and tire sealant to enhance a victim’s buttocks.  The “patient” reportedly suffered serious injuries that threatened her life.

Ms. Morris also allegedly botched a previous cosmetic procedure when she injected a different victim’s face with a similar toxic mixture.  It didn’t work, and photographs clearly show that the victim was left with a misshapen face, distorted upper lip and lumpy cheeks.

Ms. Morris now claims that she is innocent of the charges and that the unfounded allegations are ruining her life.  She has not, however, disputed the accuracy of her booking photographs.  You can see these photographs here and here, but you’ll probably need to adjust your resolution and use a widescreen monitor to fully appreciate the irony of the pictures.  For what it’s worth, I very nearly gouged my eyes with a rusty spoon after bearing witness to that… er… whatever.

2 responses to “DANGEROUS CURVES: why you should never ask somebody to inject cement into your posterior

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